2002-11-03 : 8:16 p.m.
I'm drowning and there is no one to save me

Current Song:
Current Rant:
Current Obsession:

I saw "Let's Go Racing" on Friday night (well, 12am Sat) and they reshowed all the BC races and for the first time, I resaw (nother not word) the BC mile and saw Landseer breakdown. Oh fuck. That was so fuckin' scary. I didn't really see it the first time on BC day. I watched, but my eyes were on other horses. I missed it. And then I saw it again. Friday night. I saw the leg. It just hung there. By a thread. It was hanging there. It was barely attached. Oh god that was so scary. The poor horse. Oh dear god. I just cannot get the vision of his leg, just hanging there, out of my head. Help me, please! It is haunting me. I close my eyes and it's there. I just cannot do this! Oh FUCK! I love this sport but I think I hate it more.

We beat L.M. yesterday. Again. 31-13. The 13 of their points were in the last 10 minutes. I think we stopped caring. It was cold. I drove Susan there and no one died. It was actually pretty fun. Half day monday! Wahooo!!!

Sat. night I went with Megan to a coffee house thing. Was good, till the drunk people came in. Then I wanted out so we left and after dropping her off at home, I went home to waste the rest of my night. Oooooh! I had shrimp for dinner before I left. Twas AWESOME! Shrimp and garlic ALL FOR ME. Mom was at Glenn's so I had to share my awesome shrimp with NO ONE!!! Hehe!

Today we had the Delaware Valley College open house. I am just so confused. I feel like I am drowning in my own breath. I just don't know where I want to be, what I want to do, where I want life to take me. It is just this mud of confusion and I don't understand. Being 17 sucks. It just sucks. I want it all to be easy again. Life is just so much work. The campus was small and quaint, but it didn't click. I was missing the click. You need the click. It's such an aggie school which might not be bad but I felt lost. I was drowning again. I went to the Equine Science meeting not knowing it was different than the Equine Studies major, but that wasn't offered today, it was yesterday. This is much science and breeding. I love the breeding side, but FUCK. The science courses that they require and all the science and business... I am drowning before I start. Chem. I don't get chem. Advanced chem. I don't get chem. I could not survive. My mom prefers that side to the studies side which has a lot of riding and training and other stuff but we don't know what! I am so lost. Save me. someone. AZ is looking up but I don't want to go. I love the program, but not the location. I love the location of DVC but not the science program and I don't get the studies program. Oh man this is so confusing. I hate this feeling. I hate being so lost and confused.

Poor, poor Landseer. I cannot get him out of my head. I almost need to rewatch the tape to prove to myself that it happened and that it is reality and that I can't escape it. God this sucks.

I finished my Art History essay (got and A, well 90%, on the quiz! Go me! Best grade yet!) but I won't read the chapter. I just can't bring myself to do it. So I'll fail the quiz. Big deal. I'll make sure that I can drop this quiz grade. Oh well. Go me. I suck. I am a failure. What else is new?

Alias is on soon. Maybe Vaughn will cheer me up. I love Vaughn. Too bad he's not real. I could do a real Vaughn. I guess Michael Vartan will have to do.

Poor Landseer. This is for you. I think I'm going to cry again. He was just so awesome. Let him fly with angels' wings. I love you boy. I didn't know you when you lived, but I love you now. You deserved nothing that happened to you. Oh dear god. I won't cry.

Wind Beneath My Wings

Bette Midler

It must have been cold there in my shadow

To never have sunlight on your face

You were content to let me shine

That's your way

You always walked a step behind

So I was the one with all the glory

While you were the one with all the strain

A beautiful face without a name

For so long

A beautiful smile to hide the pain

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

And everything I would like to be

I can fly higher than an eagle

For you are the wind beneath my wings

It might have appeared to go unnoticed

But I've got it all here in my heart

I want you to know, I know the truth

Of course I've known it

I would be nothing without you

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be

I can fly higher than an eagle

For you are the wind beneath my wings

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything, everything I wish I could be

Oh and I, I can higher than an eagle

For you are the wind beneath my wings

Last Five Entries

Peter Jennings - 2005-08-08
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night i'd not like to repeat - 2005-06-20
- - 2005-06-19
so i'll update - 2005-06-07

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