2002-12-29 : 7:24 p.m.
"A lie. A lie. A lie."


Current Song:
Current Rant:
Current Obsession:

"Why can't you make up your mind?"

I am so damn bitter right now. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm not happy were I am in life right now. Someday I will be but right now I am just stuck in that stupid rut. I don't know. Maybe it's that I've watched way too much Once & Again and have seen just how great my life could be regardless of how screwed up it was. Who the hell knows. I'm just bitter.

Yeah so I got the Once & Again DVDs in the mail on Friday having ordered it overnight (yes, if my mom realizes that I am SO dead.) and have now finished all 22 episodes of the first season having already watched the Christmas episode twice. Damn am I screwed up? All I can think about is Once & Again and who knows. It's sorta like the reaction I had to Boy Meets World several, several years ago. It just is drilled in your mind and you just can't stop thinking about it. That happens alot with me. Hey, when I'm addicted, I'm addicted. Just think about my The Practice addiction and my ever famous Alias addiction. And hell while we're at it ER and ::sob:: Dark Angel. I watch far to much TV... I just find the fictional lives of the beloved TV characters much better than my own. Happier, sadder, more dramatic. Sometimes that just so much better. Damn. Oh shit. I forgot about Third Watch and 90210 for that matter.

I wish that the second season DVD was out because now that I've seen all of season 1, all I want to do is sit down and see season 2. I know, it's screwy, but true. I'm so... I don't know. Screwed up.

you know what? I can't finish this. Don't know why. Just can't. I can watch more Once & Again tonight anyway. I can rewatch stuff. I have this ability to want to say something then completely forget when I have the time. All I can say is I worry about people. A person in particular on top of my normal worrywort list. This person I am pertrifyed for. I just don't understand. I can't understand. I can understand to an extent, but beyond that there is a whole river...a whole ocean...a whole world. I worry about this person and thinking about what can, might, could have already happened scares me to death. I highly doubt your reading this, but if you are, we may not be all that close anymore, but listen to what I said and take care of yourself. I care far to much to know what to do if something happen(s/ed). I hope that the help is what you needed. Take care of yourself. Heart felt concern is over for now and I guess it's time to get back to my ego-centric diary. Three, well, four songs top the soundtrack of my life right now:
If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?
Winter
Landslides
Letting the Cables Sleep
That is a highly depressing list, but its my soundtrack to write exactly how I see fit.

"When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do? When you gonna make up your mind? 'Cause things are gonna change so fast. All the white horses are still in bed. I tell you that I'll always want you near. You say that things change, my dear."



Last Five Entries

Peter Jennings - 2005-08-08
- - 2005-08-08
night i'd not like to repeat - 2005-06-20
- - 2005-06-19
so i'll update - 2005-06-07


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