2002-09-03 : 5:13 p.m.
It sucks to be back


Current Song:
Current Rant:
Current Obsession:

Really, it sucks. All of it. Every last bit. It all sucks.

I hate being back.

I don't care if it wasn't actually a day because it sucked.

Susan got here at 7:15 but I was asleep. Got up at about 7:40 and basically went online because I'm deprived on the internet with the place called hell now in session. Cher came at 8:30 and we all walked the 1.5 miles to school and got there at 9. Went to homeroom and got lockers. Same locker, again. Went and got height, weight, and vision checked and then pictures taken. Our ids will have professional pictures again 'cause the digital mug shots sucked though the school still is making 'em. Had a town meeting, class got yelled at. Got senior class pic taken by Miller who was standing on the roof. Waited to the pizza to come but gave up and waited outside for Mrs. Megan to come and went home. Got home at 12:55. Watched AMC and went online and watched GH and went online and then stayed there and now I'm writing this.

I hate being back. I hate having no freedom anymore. I hate the demands. I think about all of it, the work and stress and pressure and just start crying.

I think I'm going to be anti-social this year. I'm not going to school functions except maybe the LM game. No dance. I don't wanna be around drunk people. I'll go to the senior semi and the prom but THAT's it. I'll try out for madragals but no other clubs or crap. I'm coming home and being at home. That's it. If I need a part-time job, fine. I'll get one. But nothing more. Nada.

College apps. that scares me. Taking the SAT's one final time? That scares me. Everything scares me. I so wanna be homeschooled. I hate being around the imaturity that is Radnor.

Full of Grace by Sarah McLaughlin makes me cry.

Full Of Grace

the winter here's cold, and bitter

it's chilled us to the bone

we haven't seen the sun for weeks

to long too far from home

I feel just like I'm sinking

and I claw for solid ground

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

oh darkness I feel like letting go

if all of the strength and all of the courage

come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

full of grace

full of grace

my love

so it's better this way, I said

having seen this place before

where everything we said and did

hurts us all the more

its just that we stayed, too long

in the same old sickly skin

I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

oh darkness I feel like letting go

if all of the strength

and all of the courage

come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

full of grace

full of grace

my love

Sad, but it's my theme song. Add that to the soundtrack of my life.

Street Cry retired. Another flie bites the dust. Bet On Sunshine retired yesterday too. He was such a good horse and I always have had a soft spot for that guy. He's 10 though. Such a joy. Street Cry, have fun with the mares ::evil grin:: and Sunny, enjoy your retirement. You earned it boy.

The rest of my days daily soundtrack.

"Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh?Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me? I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me. I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break. I crave, I love, I've waited long enough. I try as hard as I can. Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me? I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real. I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees. I hope, I stand, I take it like a man. I try as hard as I can. Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder? Why do you see right through me? Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me? Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me? Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me? Why do you see, why do you see,why do you see right through me?"



Last Five Entries

Peter Jennings - 2005-08-08
- - 2005-08-08
night i'd not like to repeat - 2005-06-20
- - 2005-06-19
so i'll update - 2005-06-07


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