2004-02-04 : 11:42 p.m.
it's catching up to me

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Emotionally, I don't have a clue where I stand right about now. I really just don't know. January sucked beyond belief, and February has been very good thus far, but I can't get the feeling of depression off my back. I'm fine, but I'm just down or something. Maybe it's just the exhaustion I'm feeling from this week. I don't have a clue. It may be my usual issues with February and then everything from January just taking its toll. I really was fine all day, but as I was driving back from Greylyn today, I just started bawling my eyes out. The strangest thing was I didn't even have a clue why. Ugh.

Anyway, it was a really nice day today. I got out of English early then grabbed a sandwich to take with me and headed to Greylyn. I got there about 3:20 and I am losing my train of thought. Anyway, I for some reason just didn't have an patience today. Rachel was walking by Willy's stall as Hannah I were tacking him up and she asks me if I'm talking to myself or Willy. I said both Hannah and Willy. I don't think she saw Hannah. Ha. What else? I honestly don't have a clue. It's that crazy I tell you. I am losing my mind. So anyway, I was riding Rickey at 7, but it didn't go very well. He started spooking at every damn thing and that started freaking me out. I rode the lesson, but did a lot of walking and calming him down (and being stupid unintentionally). I ended up getting on Monet during the 8pm lesson though I got off and put on my saddle cause the one I was using just sucked. We started off with just poles then poles and the single X, then a vertical and then the coup! Barb actually put a pole over it, about 4 inches higher or something, so it was higher than I'm used to. I sorta freaked the first time going over, but it went pretty well after that. I actually had fun. Alexis was taking a lesson, but was in a really crappy mood and I don't have a clue why. Hopefully next week will be better. Anyway, I didn't get in the tack room till close to 9:20, cleaned tack, and talked to Barb for a little. I'm gonna start taking a second lesson with her on Fridays so that should be good. She suggested it so I don't feel bad about it. I'm catching for Allison this Friday, but I'll probably start next Friday. At least I get an extra lesson this week.

I didn't leave till late and rushed back to school to basically miss the meeting though everyone was still sitting around. I don't have a lesson tomorrow because Dee's ring is freezing over by 4:30. Talked to Marie afterwards and she said she talked to Amber who told her that she got her coaching license from Arcadia, but Dee's pissed so she probably won't get to give us lessons this semester. Marie let it slip that I'd be disappointed and Amber jumped all over that and said that I should call her. Basically it seems that if I get my two lessons in with Dee I maybe can take the rest of my weekly lessons with Amber. I can more or less drop Marie, Krystal, and Acacia off at Dee's, drive over to Ambers, take a lesson, and pick them up. That sounds good. I'd be ok with Dee, but I'd much rather that. haha.

Ok well, sleep is very much needed. Ugh. I hope I'm less depressed tomorrow. I really just think it's last month's crap catching up to me.

Last Five Entries

Peter Jennings - 2005-08-08
- - 2005-08-08
night i'd not like to repeat - 2005-06-20
- - 2005-06-19
so i'll update - 2005-06-07

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