Only in America...do we put Braille dots on the drive-up teller window...
Only in America...do up to one-half of all pro sports teams make their annual playoffs...
Only in America...do we get more credit-card offers every time we go deeper into debt...
Only in America...can we fly to the Eastern US on Southwest Airlines and to Los Angeles on Alaska Airlines...
Only in America...can we buy Jumbo Shrimp...
Only in America...can we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway...
Only in America...do we pay pay fees to health clubs so we can exercise, and then get upset when we can't find the TV remote...
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America...do we award someone $3,000,000 for spilling hot coffee in their own lap.
Only in America..do we have labels on baby strollers to remind people to remove the baby before folding up the stroller...
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions...
Only in America...do people order double cheeseburger, large fries, and a DIET coke...
Only in America...do banks leave all the doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage...
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures"...
Only in America....we pay tolls on the freeway...
Ever wonder why?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why we play at a recital and recite at a play?"
Why whenever you go to the doctor, he asks, "what is wrong?". You know, that's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
Why we know about the Secret Service?
Why hair shampoo instructions say "Lather. Rinse. Repeat."? If you did this, would you ever be able to stop?
Why a shipment get moved by a car and cargo get moved by a ship?
Why the older you get, the better you used to be.
Why to the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Why nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
Why psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.
Why true humour is found in utter seriousness
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress?
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
You are not really drunk until you must hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning, buy it back for seventy-five cents.
Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to kick the stuffing out of some stupid jerk who desperately deserves it.
Never hit a man with glasses, hit him with a baseball bat.
Do you Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Have you ever noticed: Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
"Catch your breath hit the wall scream out loud as you start to crawl back in your cage the only place where they will leave you alone 'cause the weak will seek the weaker until they've broken them could you get it back again.
Would it be the same fulfillment to their lack of strength at your expense left you with no defense they tore it down and i have felt the same as you, I've felt the same as you, I've felt the same locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered where you feel safe you lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind the fearful always preyed upon your confidence. Did they see the consequence when they pushed you around the arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones breaking them 'til they've become just another crown
Refuse to feel, anything at all refuse to slip, refuse to fall can't be weak, can't stand still you watch your back, 'cause no one will you don't know why they had to go this far traded your worth for these scars for your only company don't believe the lies that they told to you not one word was true you're alright, you're alright, you're alright"