2003-04-08 : 5:19 p.m.
self pity and constant pain


Current Song:
Current Rant:
Current Obsession:

I suck so damn much. It's so hopeless. Oh well. What is there to do?

I'm so focused on my self pity it's sad. I need to improve so much about me but will any of it happen? God I suck.

I haven't written and I really don't even care. I just can't seem to motivate myself to do anything. For me or otherwise. It's quite sad.

I am just so damn tired it's not funny. I want school to be done with. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I just don't care. It's so sad, but the god honest truth.

You realize that the years of high school are almost over and what risks have I taken? None really. I've failed some tests, not done some homework, not made up Balk tests or gym classes but that's it. I don't go out and drink (and don't plan on it) but I don't go out either.

I have my prom dress, but should I even go? I look so damn ugly in it. Actually, I am so damn ugly. I'm sure I'll die single with out having ever even had a date. I suck. God dammit I suck.

It's so ugly outside which just makes everything else jolly.

oh fuck the world.

I was fine, but now I can't shake this crappy mood.

I don't want to move.

I don't want to leave my life here.

I don't want to move away from home. Home meaning here.

I don't want to move away from my mom.

I don't want to deal with college.

All I want to do is graduate and stay here in this house for the rest of my life, not some fake place I'll be forced to call "home" because it's not home.

Oh fuck the world.

life sucks.

And "if I told you this was killing me, would you stop?" No. No you wouldn't. You don't care enough to stop it. Oh fuck you.

As for who "you" is, I'm not even sure myself.

god dammit.



Last Five Entries

Peter Jennings - 2005-08-08
- - 2005-08-08
night i'd not like to repeat - 2005-06-20
- - 2005-06-19
so i'll update - 2005-06-07


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